


Home-Cooked Honesty

by misura



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Community: fic_on_demand, Cooking, Domestic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-13
Updated: 2011-03-13
Packaged: 2017-10-16 22:42:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/170178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"Masculinity is generally not associated with the ability to cook," Wilson said a little stiffly.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Home-Cooked Honesty

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted June 2007

"Well," House said, looking down on the contents of his plate, "this certainly looks ... yummy."

Wilson winced. "You don't have to lie about it just to make me feel better, you know."

"But you're not," House pointed out.

"Excuse me?"

"You're not feeling better because I told you a - what was it supposed to be again? Well, whatever you wanted it to be, at present, it's a half-burnt, half-undercooked assortment of vegetables lying on my plate, and the fact that I called it 'yummy' doesn't change that you're feeling less than good about it. In fact, you're feeling awfully bad about it, _especially_ because I went out of my way to be nice and not say something like, oh, I don't know, you're a lousy cook? Hopeless in an apron?" House made a dismissive gesture. "A failure as a real man?"

"Masculinity is generally not associated with the ability to cook," Wilson said a little stiffly.

"It is by modern women," House replied. "They've got a career to worry about; they need a man to stay home, watch the kids, make sure there's a nice meal waiting for them when they get home. Good thing you're married already - dating a man who can't cook is all very well; he can take you to fancy restaurants and pay for dinner, but marrying one?"

Wilson snorted. "And I suppose that is the reason why you're still single?"

"Funny thing you should ask." House cocked his head. "Why _am_ I still single? Well, I'm actually a fairly decent cook - comes with being a bachelor, I guess. Could it be because I'm actually gay and this country is too backwards to let me marry a partner of my own choosing? No, wait, maybe it's just that my boyfriend is actually married already. To a woman, even. The freak."

Wilson looked slightly uncomfortable. He was never quite sure how serious House was when it came to this aspect of their relationship. "You were engaged, once."

House waved this feeble protest away. "Doesn't count - I broke it off."

"You didn't break it off because you were gay," Wilson said. He was fairly sure this was true.

"My inner gay person influenced my subconscience," House maintained. "That's how it starts, you know - one day you suddenly decide you want to break off your engagement, the next day, you wear a pink tie to work and throw a party to try to convince your best friends not to hate you simply because you might have wet dreams about them."

"I must have missed that second part."

"Well, I considered it, but I didn't think Cuddy would let me use hospital funds for a dinner-party to which she wouldn't be invited, and besides, I never really liked pink. It's the kind of red invented by people who can't stand the sight of blood." House scoffed. "Pink is for baby-girls and candy and those iced cakes and doughnuts they sell in that bakery around the corner, not for ties."

"It also might be that you simply don't have any friends," Wilson commented. "Just a random thought."

"Ouch," House said. "That wasn't very nice, was it? In fact, I do believe you hurt my feelings."

Wilson sighed. "I'll order some pizza."

"Health-wise, that's extremely irresponsible of you," House said. "Low nutritional value, almost no vitamins, or anything useful except lots of carbo-hydrates and calories. I'll have extra anchovies on mine, thanks. And tell them to hurry up; I'm hungry."


End file.
